Abraham

Friends, you are so appreciated.  I'm smiling this morning to see how God spurred three of you over the past couple weeks, completely unaware of the others, to send me a note.  Each one said basically the same thing:  I was reading the story of Abraham, and I noticed how long it was between the promise of a son and its fulfillment.

For Abraham, the promise is confirmed multiple times, but over a broad span of years.  At first it is somewhat unclear how he will have a son, and Sarah decides to speed up the process by offering her servant to Abraham.  As one of the notes pointed out, it was then 14 long years between Ishmael's birth and that of Isaac.  In our instant access world of today, it's hard to wait 14 minutes at times, and even 14 days seems nearly unthinkable.  14 years? 

This story, each time I read it, reminds me how important it is to draw close to God so that I can trust in His timing.  Because on my own, I am far too impatient.  I would jump ahead into situations that weren't God's plan because *I* felt it was time. 

So thank you, friends, for your prayers, and for sending along those little notes.  The way the Holy Spirit prompts you to reach out at the times that you do is perfectly God timing, and sends such a big message.

Whom shall I fear?

The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?  Psalm 27:1 KJV

The past few months have been quiet here on the blog.  Maybe you've wondered the invisible questions that I sometimes thought you have:  Has she given up?  Is scared of moving forward?  Got sidetracked by life?  Was it just a passing fad and she's coming back to her senses?  

While there are admittedly moments where I wonder, when it seems as if nothing is happening that I can turn to and say, "This.  See, this is the next step.",  God is so very, very gracious to then send a little reminder that He is at work.  Sometimes that takes the form of getting to catch up ever so briefly with a friend and hear a long-ago promised story that is even sweeter hearing it in a time of drought.   Other times it is a name that jumps out at me from the blue, like seeing the book title A is for Abigail on the shelf at the library.

Some days, the reminders come straight from the Bible.  Back last May, in the midst of uncertainty over a potential job change for my husband, I took on a challenge to read through the Bible over the summer.  I find myself nearing the end, and this morning my reading in Hebrews just seemed to fly off the page.

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.  Hebrews 10:23 

Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.  Hebrews 11:1

And by faith even Sarah, who was past childbearing age, was enabled to bear children because she considered him faithful who had made the promise.  Hebrews 11:11

These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised, since God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect.  Hebrews 11:39-40 

Faith.   Belief that God is big enough to do the seemingly impossible.  That the impossible is often what brings the most glory to God, since we aren't able to mistakenly take credit for it ourselves.

Last night I also was reading in the book Anything: the prayer that unlocked my God and my soul, by Jennie Allen, and there were many parts that resonated within me about this journey that we are on.  One of those that really stood out was a section where she envisioned facing God at the end of life, and hearing him ask why she had sought her comfort more than him: 

Why had I loved people more than him?  Why had I sat on every gift he had given me to make him known?  Because I cared more about being judged by everyone else but him?  (p.78)  

The journey of these past few months has been hard to put into words.  It hasn't been so much a physical journey as a spiritual and mental one that I didn't seek out and didn't see coming.  It has involved shifts in my thinking that have made me realize that I can't fit neatly into labelled boxes of human creation, despite my best efforts.  God wired me differently, and He has been the one guiding me through this new territory.  It has been scary at times, because those same boxes are comforting in their close boundaries.  As much as checklists of do's and don't's seem to chafe at times, they hold out a (false) promise that one only has to follow them to find comfort and safety and happiness.  But at the same time, there sometimes isn't much room left for Jesus' call to follow Him in between the checking off of boxes. 

He has been showing me that He is bigger than I ever imagined, and isn't confined just to the places that I think He should be.  It's a little hard to even type these last sentences, knowing that there are some who will read them not as a discovery of God's greatness, but instead as a slide down a slippery slope.  I've read too many arguments from folks on all sides online, and the fear that someone will question the validity of my journey, the orthodoxy of my beliefs, or even my salvation has crept in quietly, leading me to only share some of this within the pages of my journal or very hesitantly with those closest to me.

But a few lines in that same book made me realize that in doing so, I am hiding God's work. 

But so many things about obeying him are weighty.  I am afraid of my capacity to do all of this.  I hate being out there for scrutiny.  I am afraid of what some of it will mean for my family and so many other things.  So why do it?  What if these little acts of obedience were a small part of a matrix of dominoes unfolding the glory of God . . . what if I laid down my life, my domino, and through that unleashed an army of others who laid down and unleashed their obedience, and through this matrix, God's glory was displayed . . . We are all dominoes in this . . . we all have our place in this.  What is yours?  p. 113

 I can let other people down.  If God is for me . . . the God of the universe for me . . . who could be against me?  Whom else shall I fear?  p. 38

Because in the end, while I love all of my brothers and sisters here on earth, you aren't the ones that I'll have to answer to about the choices I made.  And because I'm blessed with friends from all ends of the political and social spectrum, no matter what choice I make, it will leave some (or most?  :)  ) of you shaking your heads from time to time wondering if I've completely gone off the deep end.   But I have to realize that is alright, because in the end, God is the one whose opinion really counts.  When Jesus called me to follow Him, whether I did so or not is what will be considered. 

His calling for me will look different than His calling for you.  And while our paths may run parallel for a time, they remain our own paths.  And when our paths veer in different directions for a time, I promise to listen and rejoice with you as God works, to encourage you to lean always on Him and seek first his kingdom.  Will you do the same for me?

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds . . . Hebrews 10:23-24

Change of plans

Bible reading plans, that is.  :)

Last November, I tried to write about my new reading plan, but God had other ideas.  I was finishing up a chronological read through of the Bible (reading along with a great group of women on FB), which had followed my first EVER reading of the entire Bible.   After looking over several different possibilities, one plan just jumped out at me, despite the somewhat lengthy name: Professor Grant Horner's Bible Reading System.  The concept was fairly simple:  Divide the books of the Bible up into several different lists (10, to be exact) and then read one chapter from each list every day.  Some lists would be completed quickly (reading through Proverbs), others would take much longer (Genesis through Deuteronomy).   Since one of the touted benefits was getting to really know where different books are located at in a physical Bible, I decided to set my Kindle aside and pick up my main Bible.  After printing off the bookmarks, I was ready to go, and began in late November.

I have absolutely loved reading through the Bible this way, to my surprise.  Being in so many different places in the same day really has allowed some of the bigger themes to show through.   Starting each reading in the gospels, but then reading from the perspective of the law, the epistles, Psalms, Proverbs, history, prophets, or the early church really gave a better feel for how the Bible fits together.  There were so many times in these past six months that a scheduled reading had to be God-set ~ like winding up on the story of David and Abigail on the first anniversary of the Abigail revelation.   Seeing so many of dates and notes jotted down in my Bible as I flipped back and forth was such an encouragement on days that were dark and dreary.  And yes, I really did gain a much better feel for where different books are at in the Bible.  :)

But for the summer, I'll be setting aside my ten bookmarks for a different plan.   Memorial Day through Labor Day, it's time to dig in for reading the Bible in 90 days.  The timing is interesting, as there's a possibility of some big changes to my husband's work coming.   And despite the outcome of that situation, we probably need to make some changes to the way we approach things as a family.  Wisdom and guidance on that will be much desired!

So as my scheduled reading in Psalms today reminded me:

He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God.  Many will see what He has done and be amazed.  They will put their trust in the LORD.  Psalm 40:3

I can't wait to see where God meets us this summer, and where we are by the time Labor Day rolls around.

Let us not grow weary

Having others know about journey is mostly a blessing ~ the words of encouragement and the prayers are so precious to me.  But there are times when I have to guard myself against what I think others may be thinking:  Isn't anything happening?  What if they end up disappointed if it never happens?  Surely God didn't actually tell her this.

That temptation to listen to the imagined thoughts is stronger in what feels like a dry season.  There have been times on this journey when the confirmations are flying all around us, when each day brings proof anew.  And then there are the seasons of drought . . .  seasons of doubt, if we're not careful.

And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. - Galatians 6:9


This morning I was reminded again that God's work takes time.  It takes time to raise a child.  It takes time to invest in people.  It takes time to live out His call in our daily lives.  


New directions don't happen in an instant.  It takes time for the fields of our hearts to be prepared for planting.  Once the seed is sown, it takes time for it to germinate underground before the tiny sprouts break through the soil's surface.  Even then, the plant doesn't yield its fruit immediately.  It takes time for it to grow and ripen. 


Sometimes it is hard to remember this, especially in our quick fix society.  A passage that I read the other day highlighted this.

That has always been the dark side of the American dream, the search for an easy way out, a belief in magic. The endless parade of promises that constitutes the heart of American advertising, one of largest national enterprises, testifies to the deep well of superstition in our national foundation, which has been institutionalized in the advertising business.  Easy money, easy health, easy beauty, easy education - if only the right incantation can be found. - John Taylor Gatto

If we're not careful, we can slip into similar expectations from God, looking for just the right combination of words or deeds to spur His action.   Forgotten God (Francis Chan) carries the reminder that we shouldn't pursue the miracles more than God, nor to expect God to give us particular experiences again and again, because they aren't an end in themselves.   In his sovereignty, God does miracles and gives us experiences when it fits His purposes and timing.  Chan reminds us to pursue God for who He is, not what He might do for us.   We should be modeling our lives after Jesus and desiring the fruit of the Spirit.  We should be listening for God's instructions through His Word and His Spirit, and obeying.

And all of that takes time.

Lord, may I not be so focused on the end result that I miss the journey.  Help me to find You and Your presence and work in each and every day, even (and especially!) the ones that feel utterly ordinary.  At the same time, prepare me for that end result that will really just be a new beginning.

Sing to the Lord a new song

Ever get those dark spells, when it feels like life is pressing down?  When even your daily Bible reading is just there and God isn't speaking to you through it?  And you pray and pray and feel like David crying out for God because even though you know He's there, you can't feel His presence?  These past couple weeks had sure been a lot like that around here.  A spiritual drought of sorts, it felt, if I can mix metaphors here.

And then you start to see a cloud on the horizon.  Chance of rain?

Momentum starts building again, little by little.  A verse here, a quote there, a comment from a friend along the way, and things start to look up.  Heh, that's actually pretty accurate.  In the darkness, in the drought, it's hard to look UP, because you're so focused on what's happening  or not happening around you.

But then that moment comes where the rain starts to fall.  If you've ever lived in the desert, that first rainfall after the months of dry is unlike any other.  You just want to go outside and be washed by it, to let it soak you and dance around in it.

The past hours have been like that.  It began with 2 Chronicles 20 last night right before bed (again ~ this chapter has been coming up for me over and over in the past month or so).  King Jehoshaphat is facing vast armies that are surrounded from all directions, and goes to the Lord in prayer, praising Him in advance for deliverance.

15 He said: “Listen, King Jehoshaphat and all who live in Judah and Jerusalem! This is what the LORD says to you: ‘Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God’s. ¹⁶ Tomorrow march down against them. They will be climbing up by the Pass of Ziz, and you will find them at the end of the gorge in the Desert of Jeruel. ¹⁷ You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the LORD will give you, Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the LORD will be with you.’”
 ¹⁸ Jehoshaphat bowed down with his face to the ground, and all the people of Judah and Jerusalem fell down in worship before the LORD. ¹⁹ Then some Levites from the Kohathites and Korahites stood up and praised the LORD, the God of Israel, with a very loud voice.
 ²⁰ Early in the morning they left for the Desert of Tekoa. As they set out, Jehoshaphat stood and said, “Listen to me, Judah and people of Jerusalem! Have faith in the LORD your God and you will be upheld; have faith in his prophets and you will be successful.” ²¹ After consulting the people, Jehoshaphat appointed men to sing to the LORD and to praise him for the splendor of his^[c] holiness as they went out at the head of the army, saying:
   “Give thanks to the LORD,
   for his love endures forever.”
 ²² As they began to sing and praise, the LORD set ambushes against the men of Ammon and Moab and Mount Seir who were invading Judah, and they were defeated. 

The night brought a dream that involved prayer and singing (note: I'm NOT a singer. at least not in public or on tune :)  ). and then this morning's scheduled Bible reading continued the theme:

So I'm soaking this morning in new songs, singing praises to the Lord, and ascribing to the Lord his mighty deeds.  And wondering how it is all going to end up playing out, while knowing that the One who will make it happen not only knows the ending, but all the steps from here to there.

God Gives Us Food

Today's Memorial Box story is a recent one.  January began with a hard look at our finances, and a renewed emphasis to live within the money that we had, which for that month, meant a very meager grocery budget.  To keep ourselves on track we set up an envelope with cash, and decided to only use cash for our grocery shopping that month.  Midway through the month it was beginning to look like it would be possible to actually stay within that amount, since we'd done a lot of eating from the pantry and freezer.

A challenge came with a request from a close relative to stay with us for a while.  We both strongly felt that this was something we were supposed to do without accepting rent money, at least at first.  But I'll admit, I was really wondering how our grocery budget was going to stretch to cover an additional adult.

That Sunday as I was thinking on a phrase during the sermon on the power of God's words, I opened up my Bible.  It fell open to 1 Kings 17, which tells the story of the widow of Zarephath and Elijah.  Her provisions nearly gone, the prophet asks her to make him bread first, and miraculously, the oil and flour don't run dry.  As I began thinking on the story, I glanced down at my feet, and saw the purple ribbon from my son's Sunday school craft ~ a paper plate with glued on photos of food and the words, God gives us food.   Out of curiosity, I picked up his lesson paper to see what Bible story they had been learning about.  Yes, it was Elijah and the Widow.

As I saw it, I remembered that the night before, our nightly Bible reading with the kids had included the story of Elisha and the widow's oil from 1 Kings 4.

The Widow’s Oil

1The wife of a man from the company of the prophets cried out to Elisha, “Your servant my husband is dead, and you know that he revered the Lord. But now his creditor is coming to take my two boys as his slaves.”

2Elisha replied to her, “How can I help you? Tell me, what do you have in your house?”

“Your servant has nothing there at all,” she said, “except a little oil.”

3Elisha said, “Go around and ask all your neighbors for empty jars. Don’t ask for just a few. 4Then go inside and shut the door behind you and your sons. Pour oil into all the jars, and as each is filled, put it to one side.”

5She left him and afterward shut the door behind her and her sons. They brought the jars to her and she kept pouring. 6When all the jars were full, she said to her son, “Bring me another one.”

But he replied, “There is not a jar left.” Then the oil stopped flowing.

7She went and told the man of God, and he said, “Go, sell the oil and pay your debts. You and your sons can live on what is left.”

 This was getting to be too many references to just be coincidence.  But lest I have any doubts, when I sat down to do my Bible reading that afternoon, one of the chapters scheduled was Luke 4.  Verses 25-26 read:  I assure you that there were many widows in Israel in Elijah's time, when the sky was shut for three and a half years and there was severe famine in the land.  Yet Elijah was not sent to any of them, but to a widow in Zarephath in the region of Sidon.

With renewed confidence that God could stretch our grocery budget, I tackled the project of getting the room ready.  The end of the month brought a huge financial challenge when one of the core components of our heating system went out and needed to be replaced, but He was faithful to provide for it.  And then, just before our house guest was to arrive, an unexpected piece of mail arrived.  A completely unexpected refund of something from several years in the past that was enough to cover the extra food for another adult for the month.  And here at the end of February, it has been enough.  God gives us food!   That paper plate is hanging in our dining room ~ just a preschool craft to some, but a special reminder that God has it all under control to me.

*************************
Do you keep a record of the ways that you have seen God work in your life? Last year I ran across the concept of a Memorial Box from Linny at A Place Called Simplicity.  In times when darkness is threatening to overwhelm and God feels far away (I'm sure had a few of those recently!), going over the stories of God's faithfulness is a spiritual life preserver.

A year later . . . God's anniversary gift

A year ago, I had no clue that my life was about to change.   If I remember right it had been a sort of down day, and I'd spent some time that afternoon finishing up a novel that I was reading.  As the clock ticked closer to dinner time, I got the the end of the book, and quickly skimmed the discussion questions at the end.

2.  Abigail, which means 'source of joy," is the heroine of Daughter of Joy.  

5:35 pm, my life changed forever.  Your daughter's name will be Abigail.  Tears sprang to my eyes.  Lord, it that you, I found myself asking?  Not an audible voice, but one that imprinted immediately on my heart. And is the fact that I'm getting the feeling that she may not be joining us naturally also from you?   So, so, so many little things since that moment have confirmed that yes, this was from God.

After putting dinner in the oven that day (ah, I love pizza Fridays!), I logged into Facebook to find a friend request from a "friend of a friend", nudged by God to be sent at the very moment I was getting the message about Abigail, accompanied by a short note:

• love this picture
  it looks like you delight in your kids and that warms my heart

Somehow I found myself telling this as-of-yet unknown woman what had just happened:

Would you pray for Abigail and for us? This all feels extremely surreal, and I have no clue what it truly all means or where it is leading, or even for certain if it wasn't just a random thought. I flipped open my Bible and it fell to Psalm 98. "Sing to the Lord a new song, for he has done marvelous things .. . . ." and then I saw on the page before it, several dates penciled beside Psalm 96, which begins nearly the same. So whatever new song I am to be singing, I accept it.

Thank you for your message. The timing is more than you know, since my first response to it was "Yes, they are my joy."

Not only did this new FB friend not blink at eye at hearing my story, but she responded with a heartwarming story of the way God had called them to adopt and provided for them.

Fast forward through a year of Abigail references popping up in the most unlikely places, well timed Bible verses, and behind the scenes work on our hearts to today, February 11, 2012.  While our lives look, on the outside, like not much has changed, in other ways everything has changed.  Our hearts have changed.

This morning, I opened my Bible to do my daily reading and found God's anniversary gift awaiting me there.  In my current plan, I'm reading a chapter from each of ten different lists.  Today, List 3 was in Hebrews 11.  Now faith is being sure of what we hope for, and certain of what we do not see.  By faith.   Yes, God certainly has us on a journey of faith, a journey of hope.  That was good, but List 8 was the real gift.  Because in that list, today's reading was 1 Samuel 25.  Not sure what that one is?  Take a look here. 

Yes, in His infinite wisdom, God arranged for me to land on that chapter on the anniversary of His promise.  Only God!  As I began it in the quiet of the morning, my daughter came downstairs and climbed into my lap, so I ended up reading it aloud to her.  (As she later told her daddy, "I got to hear a Bible story from Mama's Bible ~ all about David and some girl.  :)  )

Lord, we still don't know when.  We still don't know where or how.  But You have confirmed over and over this year who ~ Abigail ~ source of joy, father's joy.  And we thank you!

Little by little

Oh, some days I get so impatient.  It feels like nothing is happening, at least nothing that I can see.  Here we are approaching a year from when the promise was first revealed, and from first glance our lives still look the same (more on the how they have changed later).  It's on days like that when I feel tempted to make something happen on my own.  Just in case God has forgotten.

Then He sends me reminders that everything is still in progress ~ just on His timing.  As the Israelites approached the promised land and God gave them instructions, He also gave them a little heads up on the way His timing would work in conquering this new-to-them land that was filled with enemies.

But I will not drive them out in a single year, because the land would become desolate and the wild animals too numerous for you.  Little by little, I will drive them out before you, until you have increased enough to take possession of the land.  Exodus 23:29-30

If the full blessing, the full promise were given immediately, it would cease to be a blessing.  That land rich with milk and honey would wither, because they weren't ready (in physical numbers) to maintain it.  So wisely, God lets them know that the blessing will instead be given little by little as they increase and are ready for it.

Oh, this struck me today!  How often do I look at the full promise and whine that it isn't being given, when in fact, the very reason it isn't given yet is to protect it until I have increased enough to bear it.  Until my faith has increased, until my belief has increased, until physical circumstances have been readied for it. Were the promise to be fulfilled before that time, it would cease to be the blessing that it could be.

Lord, help me to always remember that when it feels like nothing is happening.

Don't look back

Was it just a short two and a half weeks ago that I posted this picture?  The chaos of the room that I called my "office" had been a feature in our home for several years, despite a bright paint job and repeated attempts at getting it organized, and honestly, there were days I thought taking a match to it would be the only way that I would ever see change. Sometimes, though, God is just waiting for us to be ready before He lights a spiritual match.   And that's what happened.   A short email from my sister asking if she could stay with us for a little while spurred some discussions as to where she should sleep.  The obvious answer was the "office", but it clearly needed a lot of work.  As we set about the task, the feeling that I was supposed to let go of the room for good began to get stronger and stronger.

God was gracious, and arranged for the Hello Mornings challenge to be starting at the same time of this big decluttering project.  Accountability for getting up early and getting my time with Him in before the kids awake for the day ~ that was needed!   Accountability for using some of that morning time to map out the day, so that my time would be more focused.  I found myself getting excited to contemplate a forced change of my habits, as strange as that sounds, and began the shift to calling it "The Yellow Room". 

In Just Enough Light for the Step I'm On: Trusting God in the Tough Times, my reading brought me to a pivotal chapter on surrendering our dreams to Him ~ even those that have come from Him.  No wonder so many of my varied projects for myself have failed ~ they were my  ideas of who I should be, and not God's.  

God puts dreams in our hearts to give us vision and inspiration  and to guide us to the right path.  That's why we have to make sure the dreams we have are not from our own flesh.  The only way to be sure of that is to lay all of our dreams at His feet and let them die.  And we must also die to them. The ones that are not from Him will be buried forever.  The ones that are from Him will be given new life. 

Oh.my.  Talk about challenging, but oh so timely as I sifted through the remnants of past dreams for myself.

A friend encouraged me in those hard hours, and forwarded a piece from her readings for school that spoke right to the process as well:

We simply must come to a place in our lives where we agree to give up old securities which bind us or painful memories which harm us, or dashed dreams which discourage us, or heart aching wounds which prevent us from discovering new dreams and coming into fuller life.  ~  Joyce Kupp

All that stuff?  Idols,  yes.  Remnants of dashed dreams, yes.  Blocking the way for the new.   In hanging on to them, I wasn't trusting in God to bring what I would need for the new ones that He has been planting.  And in fact, it was getting in the way of those new dreams by stealing my time and energy.

Not having the old stuff is a signal that I trust that the best adventures are yet to come. - Lisa Sonora Beam

In Luke 9:60-62, Jesus speaks of releasing our hold to the things of this world.  No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God.    We're specifically told not to spend our time looking back at our old lives.  The story of Lot and his wife leaving as Sodom and Gomorrah are about to be destroyed came to mind.  But while we aren't to spend our time looking back on our own failures and past lives, we ARE to remember what God has done for us and retell the stories of His work in our lives.

So the process continued of sorting, of letting go, and only keeping those things which have purpose for this new journey, or that relate to what God has done for me.  And somehow, in one short week, God brought me through a project that I'd been unable to accomplish on my own in years.   The yellow room is cleared of all the clutter, and ready for my sister to call temporary home as she makes a new start in her life.  Even more important, it has been turned over to God to use for His purposes from here on out.   I have no plans to move back into it myself unless that is where He would have me go.  And you know?  It's exciting to think how He might use it, and who might find peace and healing and comfort within its walls.

As for me, I'm enjoying my new desk set-up in the corner of our school room.  Since I only moved those things that I actually use, I've been amazed at how much space I have and how easy it is to maintain (two weeks and counting, and I can still see the top of my desk!).  

The day that it was finished, my morning Bible reading contained Exodus 6:6:  I am the Lord, and I will bring you out from under the yoke of the Egyptians.  I will free you from being slaves to them, and I will redeem you with an outstretched arm and with mighty acts of judgment.    As I came to the end of that project, I found myself feeling a bit like I had just been freed from not only the physical burden of the clutter, but from the unrealistic expectations that I had held for so long.   And despite the fact that it's a little scary to wonder just why God has chosen this exact time to be bringing me out of it, I'm excited to see what He has in store.

American Idolater

As I tackle a long overdue decluttering project this week, I'm faced with what seems to be overwhelming decisions about what to keep and find a new place for vs. what needs to go.  As this happens, I'm discovering that what should be a fairly simple process is far more emotional than I'd dreamed.  Rather than being just items, I'm realizing that many of them represent expectations that I've had for myself or are tokens of a stage of life that has past.  Despite the fact that most of those expectations have been unrealistic and that some of the stages of life captured in those items are ones I'd prefer not to go back and visit, there's a part of me that is fearful of letting them go.  I let them define me for so long that it's a bit scary to think of releasing my tight grasp.

We choose to place emotional value into inanimate objects. ~ Adam Baker

As I read this sentence today, I couldn't help but think of the verses in Isaiah that describe how useful materials were also shaped into idols:

He cut down cedars, or perhaps took a cypress or oak. He let it grow among the trees of the forest, or planted a pine, and the rain made it grow. It is used as fuel for burning; some of it he takes and warms himself, he kindles a fire and bakes bread. But he also fashions a god and worships it; he makes an idol and bows down to it. Half of the wood he burns in the fire; over it he prepares his meal, he roasts his meat and eats his fill. He also warms himself and says, “Ah! I am warm; I see the fire.” From the rest he makes a god, his idol; he bows down to it and worships. He prays to it and says, “Save me! You are my god!”   Isaiah 44: 14-17

While all of these items with sentimental attachment don't sit on an altar in my home and I don't literally bow down to them and ask them to save me, I find myself uncomfortably aware of how tightly my fingers dig into my palms at the thought of getting rid of some of them.  What would I do?  Who would I be without them?  Wouldn't I be filled with regrets?  What if I need them someday? What if I someday do become the type of person who would use that type of item on a regular basis?  If I give it all away, then I won't have it.

I am gradually realizing that by placing so much emotional importance to these inanimate items, I have made them into idols.

Some of these idols have been moved with me for the past 20+ years.  Every so often I've had a "pilgrimage" of sorts to the mental place of their making, reliving either the memories associated with them or the expectations attached to them.  And in clinging so tightly to them and the past, there's a danger in not living fully in the present or preparing myself for the (all so different from what the items collectively represent) future.  Even more serious, how much have these idols gotten in the way of what God has in store for my life?  Has each of those self-imposed expectations for who I should be and how I should live blinded me to God's expectations for me?  If I'm really honest, God probably has much different plans for me than the rigid standard of expectations that I've set up for myself and then cut myself down when I've failed miserably at meeting them. 

What if?  What if instead of hanging on to all these items that remind me of my own accomplishments, my own dreams, or my own failures, I instead hung on to the ones that remind me of God's work in my life?  What if I were to stop placing my hopes and dreams onto inanimate objects, and instead cast them onto God and trust that if they match His, He will provide all that is needed to fulfill them?  What if in the process of letting go of the things that I have let define me, I actually find myself?

It's time to find out what is on the other side of the what-ifs.  Anyone need a lot of used idols?

Joyfully awaiting

In this season of Advent, I have found many parallels with our waiting journey.  Preparation of hearts and meditation on His word while awaiting the fulfillment of a promise.  The season began with experiencing a Sabbath meal and day of rest (part of our homeschool curriculum).  My daughter helped bake the challah and we lit the candles, remembering that Jesus is the light of the world.  As we broke the bread and blessed the wine grape juice,  we remembered His words at that first Lord's supper.

An evening of celebrating our church's anniversary followed, as we enjoyed good music, laughter, and fellowship.  We spent the next day in worship, study, and a meal with our church family.  As daddy used some of his down time to get the stable ready, inside we worked on the tree.  The first two ornaments hung were a sparkly star and a scroll with the words "Mighty Counselor, Prince of Peace" that our two children had made that morning in Sunday school.  We set up the nativity scene under the tree, ready for little hands to begin acting out the story.

As night fell, we went out to take in the scene, Mary, Joseph, and the baby Jesus.  A humble birth, simple surroundings, but oh-so-filled with love and life.   For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, who is Christ the Lord.  Luke 2:11

  
We mourned the passing of my husband's grandfather in the midst of family from near and far.  But through the clouds, God's light broke through.  That same weekend, our daughter went forward to declare her belief in Jesus as her Savior and request baptism.  Life ending, new life beginning.

Our family ornament for this year (the third of the so far only three on the tree) captures our life right now well:  Joyful.  Joyfully awaiting.  Joyfully submitting.  And the verse that was included on it will serve as a reminder of when we received our promise.  2/11 .  . . February 11, 2011.  Our Christmas is more humble this year, more mindful of the fact that we're not celebrating our birthdays, but the birth of our King.  Rejoice!




When they saw the star, they rejoiced exceedingly with great joy. And going into the house they saw the child with Mary his mother, and they fell down and worshiped him. Then, opening their treasures, they offered him gifts, gold and frankincense and myrrh.  Matthew 2:10-11

Do not withhold

Proverbs 3:27 - Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power to act.

On Sunday I began a new read-through of the Bible.  This time

So this post isn't the post that I thought I was going to write.  This morning, after reading this verse, I had notions that this verse was tying in to the messages that my husband has been getting from Matthew 25 about feeding the hungry, clothing the poor, and other ways of providing for the "least of these."  But as the day has worn on and I've had to battle (unsuccessfully, I must add) against the distractions, I've come to realize that this verse is actually aimed right at me.


The me that spent too long on the computer this morning, even if some of it was for "good" purposes.  The me that walked past a  many pile(s) that needed to be picked up.  The me that has yet to get started on the teacher-directed part of school for the day.  The me that needs to put in a load of laundry and make lunch for the two children using their imaginations in the other room. 

The me that needs to stop withholding my best from them, from my husband, and from myself.  Because a mama who is living in the present with an eye heavenward is good.  Because they do deserve it ~ God placed them in my care.   Because it is in my power to act ~ I've just chosen not to do so when my emotions or circumstances feel overwhelming, or when I've given in to selfishness and laziness.

So for the rest of today, I will not withhold good (me, my attention, my energy, my thoughts, my love) from those who deserve it (God, my husband, my children, my friends), when it is in my power to act (which is almost always is).

Fear of the Lord

 The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.   Proverbs 9:10

In this past week, I have been struck by a new respect for God's power and the way that the Holy Spirit can bring about change in a person's life.  Simply put, the changes that I see beginning to happen in my husband are not of his own making.  They don't fit the patterns that he's become comfortably accustomed to over the years, and aren't something that he's been actively seeking.  He describes with a sense of awe and wonder that his thoughts are changing in many areas, often in ways that he hasn't expected.  But at the same time, he finds a certain peace with them, even when they are a bit scary in their newness and distance outside his comfort zone. 

I'll be honest ~ it's a bit scary!  Because this whole journey isn't something that is happening because we thought it would be a good idea, or because we decided to try to become ultra-spiritual by following some checklist of things to do and not do, or because we wanted another child.  It's not from within.  Back when 2011 began, neither one of us had any clue that by the time the year wrapped up we would be viewing life from a much different perspective, with a greater purpose than our own.

The changes happening make me realize that if all of this truly is God's plan, we really aren't in control.  It's a lesson that I've had to learn over and over, and am still learning daily.  I AM NOT THE ONE IN CONTROL (no matter how much I sometimes think that I am or try to be).  And that's a good thing.  Because what I would choose for my life is so much smaller, so much more bound by what I can see at this moment.  My plan would play it safe, and would result in missing out on so many blessings.  God's plan takes into account things that I have no way of seeing or knowing about now.  His plan is so much bigger than just a comfortable life with my own family. 

And I can't help but wonder, living in a time when choice of religion is considered something that we can pick up or put down as easily as changing our shoes, how much we misunderstand about the power of God.  If we believe that one week we can choose to follow Jesus, and then the next change our minds and follow a different path, then decide to follow none,  what does that say about what we believe in an inherent power in any higher being?  How much do we miss by trying to confine God to a box of our own making?

There's the temptation to treat God much like we do a bottle of vitamins, turning there when we feel weak and need a dose of something more, but if we forget them Him, well, we wonder how much good does it actually do anyway? Aren't we doing pretty well on our own?   I've certainly been guilty of that for far too much of my life. 

My Bible reading the other day included words from Hebrews that stood out as I read them.   Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts  . . . (from Hebrews 3:7 & Hebrews 4:7)  Be careful that you do not refuse to listen to the One who is speaking.  For if the people of Israel did not escape when they refused to listen to Moses, the earthly messenger, we will certainly not escape if we reject the One who speaks to us from heaven!  (Hebrews 12:25)

Lord, that I might always have an appropriate awe and respect for Your power and might, and never doubt that you are capable of so much more than my limited mind can wrap itself around.  Help me to listen when You speak, and more importantly, act on that.  Amen.

Praying together

We were supposed to go  to my brother's wedding last weekend, but a certain young boy came down with an intense bout of the stomach flu.  In the unexpected time at home, there was a chance to catch up on some things, and open up a book that was on the to-be-read list, Couples Who Pray.  I didn't expect to come away from that reading with a strong feeling that this is what the next step for us was supposed to be.  An intentional forty days of prayer as a couple ~ and so it begins.  God willing, may it just be the beginning of forty weeks, forty years of praying together each day.  In that simple, yet profoundly intimate act of joining our hearts and voices together before the creator of all, we find ourselves opening up to Him and His plan is a new way. This is new for us.  While we have prayed for each other before, it is often in silence.  And though we've prayed with each other a few times in our 13+ years of marriage, it has been random and isolated.

Humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and in His good time He will honor you.  Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about what happens to you.    1 Peter 5:6-7

In these first short days, it already feels that God is working.  That first day, I read again of the way God often uses 40 day periods to prepare someone for His purposes, and I wonder what 40 days could mean for us.

Day 1 ~ Shared prayer at the end of the day turns a negative, snappy, gloomy day around for the better.  We talk, really talk, for the first time in a couple weeks.  Has it just been a couple weeks?  The lack of communication makes it feel far longer.  I find the coloring page that says "Abigail is wise."

Day 2 - The negative undercurrents threaten to pull me down ~ isolation, disconnect, self-pity.  He prays for me first, when I can barely make words myself through the tears.  I stumble across the word simcha - joy in Hebrew, and read that it is important in Jewish philosophy because when a person is happy, is filled with joy, they are much more capable of serving God and fulfilling their daily activities than when depressed or upset.  Crying out for wisdom from our Father, I flip open my Bible and it lands on Esther 2:15 . . . When the turn came for Esther (the girl Mordecai had adopted, the daughter of his uncle Abihail) to go to the king . . .


Day 3 - Possible answers to a prayer about daily life emerged today.  Seeking wisdom on a financial decision.  Prayed together again, and wondered why it felt so foreign to consider doing this (praying together) just a few days ago.  Time spent in conversation with a young friend searching for answers in her own life.  My FB status is about our Operation Christmas Child boxes.  That brings up a link to their page in the sidebar, and I click Like.

Day 4 - First thing that I see when opening up my FB page this morning is an Operation Christmas Child update (yes, the one that I just liked last night.)  It reads:

In Zimbabwe, Abigail, 13 yrs old, said "Thank you for the gift box I received.  I'm talented in drawing . . . .I received my gift box and was shocked!  Exactly the drawing equipment I needed was inside! . . . Today, I have joy and understand that Jesus is my provider.

God brought a blog post to my attention that was meant for a dear friend, and used me to pass it along to her.  Feeling humbled again to be used by Him!   We pray together again, and wind up looking at a possible opportunity for giving through Sixty Feet next month, struck by how incredibly blessed we are with material possessions and at the same time how they can blind us to the really important things of life.  And it brings up hard questions.  We feel a little bit like that scene in the movie The Matrix where taking the blue pill lets you stay in your comfortable belief in the illusion, while taking the red pill opens your eyes to the reality (often unseen) going on around us.  In this bond of prayer, though, we feel that we're tiptoeing towards the door together.

Day 5 - God wakes me up in the wee, wee hours of the morning with such congestion that I can't sleep.  Instead, it's time for some devoted time with Him that I have missed recently.  Major chunks from my daily Bible reading get copied down, both the New Testament passages pertaining to my attitudes and much of Psalm 107.  After reading last night about a facility that is essentially a prison for children and the efforts to improve conditions there, the lines from Psalm 107:10, 13-16, 22 glared out to me in the predawn light:

Some sat in darkness and deepest gloom, imprisoned in iron chains of misery . . . "Lord, help" they cried in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress.  He led them from the darkness and deepest gloom; he snapped their chains.  Let them praise the Lord for his great love and the wonderful things he has done for them.  For he broken down their prison gate of bronze; he cut apart their bars of iron. . . Let them offer sacrifices of thanksgiving and sing joyfully about his glorious acts.

As I clicked online, there was a perfect blog entry about the beauty in waiting, followed by another blog entry about patience, which led to my getting to share our Abigail story with an online friend who was inquiring what God was doing in my life. A quick phone call with a friend to share some of what God is bringing our way.

And then one more blog entry comes my way this afternoon, from a Compassion blogger  traveling in Ecuador.  I read of poverty and our wealth blinding us, and then it comes:

I remember to breathe – remember that it all can begin just one beautiful child at a time, one small, necessary sacrifice at a time.

After the last potatoe eye is buried like a seed in good soil, I take Rosa’s neice’s hand, Abigail and we walk up to eat, and this shaping a life into the Cross-life, could it begin by just simply stretching out a hand?

I watch Abigail across the table too.
I pray too.                                                                             - Ann Voskamp

Again.  Abigail.   Lord, you are working in the wait.  We pray in those last moments before sleep, keep preparing us and molding us to be vessels of Your love.

9 years - HOPE, Part 1

Nine years ago.  While I didn't know it at the the time, that's when my journey to hope began.  It didn't feel like it then.  Instead it felt unthinkable. 

At the time, we were both teachers, living in a townhouse with our cat out in Phoenix.  Life revolved around work, grading papers, watching a heavy slate of television, and going to AZ Diamondbacks baseball games.  We spent too much time discussing how we would be perfect parents (who would always check our child's homework each night and never have crayon decorated walls!  :)  ).  For the most part, life was under our control.  If we wanted to eat out, we did.  Go to a movie?  Sure, any time.  Buy a new car?  Head out one weekend and drive one home.  Have a baby?  Just go off the pill and wait for our carefully planned out schedule to match up maternity leave and summer vacation unfold. (Are you shaking your head yet?  Yes, it was bad.  My planner side had gotten totally out of control, and I didn't even realize it.) 

We didn't even realize what else was missing from our lives then.  At that point, God wasn't invited.  My husband hadn't been raised with any sort of religious upbringing, and while I'd grown up in church, life as a college student and young adult out on my own had pushed me far away.

After several months of trying to start a family, we had gotten a positive pregnancy test early one Saturday morning (by this point we were off the carefully constructed schedule, but had begun to worry about getting pregnant at all.)   I drove across town to a baby shower for one of our young teaching assistants and for the first time, felt responsibility for new life.  My smile that day had to be huge, as I nursed the secret.  We were going to have a baby!  All those months of planning and reading ~ I thought we were ready.  Dreams began to take root in my mind.  What would she look like?  What would we name her? Who would she become?    Who would I become, as a mother?

I remember someone snapping a picture of me at a school event a couple days later and thinking that it was the first picture of me pregnant.  Our little secret!  We began planning how we would surprise our families with the news at Christmas, and starting dreaming of her due date.

Little did I know that our child would be born much sooner than expected ~ and born not into this world.  Before I even was able to make that first doctor's appointment, I had an early miscarriage.  I had so many questions.  Was it my fault?  Did I make a mistake being on my feet during that event?  Was the test wrong?  (Not likely, since I'd taken many.)  Was something wrong with me?  Wrong with the baby?  Was it even really a baby, happening so early?  The doctor acted skeptical that I'd even been pregnant, stating that it had perhaps been a "chemical pregnancy". 

There's an innocence about a first pregnancy, an uneventful pregnancy.  That was shattered on that day nine years ago.  I'm sure that I'd read about pregnancy loss in at least one of that giant pile of pregnancy books that was sitting on the bedside table, but must have skimmed right over it in that "Oh, that wouldn't happen to us" confidence of someone used to being in control.  But at the same time, I clung to the reassurance that we could get pregnant and that all the statistics said that after a miscarriage, most women went on to successfully have a baby.

That's the beginning of our story, really.  Where I first began to realize that maybe, just maybe, life wasn't under my control as much as I thought.  But we still had far, far to go, and hope felt a long way away on that day.

To be continued . .  .

Happy heaven day to the baby that made me a mommy, even if only for a short time together here on earth. 

Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere . . . Psalm 84:10

Encouragement in the waiting

Many of these posts are about waiting.  Because that's where we are in this journey.  But as I read the other day, waiting is active. It's not just sitting around lamenting the fact that nothing is happening.  Quite the contrary.  Sometimes it is in the wait that the most is happening.   It is in the wait that we are being shaped and molded.  In the book Couples Who Pray (Rushnell & DuArt), it was emphasized that while prayers aren't always answered immediately, it doesn't mean that God doesn't hear.

It's in the waiting that God does the work.  And in the waiting, He's building your faith.  As promised, "Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."  Hebrews 11:1

If you are waiting, too,  please go and read The beauty of waiting on Wilderness Pathways. 

There is hope in the waiting. Don’t miss out on the beauty of becoming, the aching beauty of the silence, as you wait. God has promised and planned. It is worth the wait – and sometimes, it is in the waiting itself that we discover just what it is we are waiting for. - Wilderness Pathways

As hard as it is to be in the waiting season, there is beauty in it that I wouldn't want to miss.

Reminders when I least expect it

Sometimes in the midst of hard days that leave me wondering about my capability of getting through life as it is, much less taking on this new venture, God sends little reminders that this is His plan ~ not mine.  As I was sorting through a stack of papers on a cluttered side table, this coloring sheet showed up.  Abigail is wise.  I recognized the stack of coloring pages from the weekend before, when we'd gone to church with my parents during a visit there.  After the children's message, each child is given a clipboard with coloring pages and crayons to use during the sermon.  Several seats down the row with grandma, my daughter was carefully coloring a picture of Abigail.

I was reminded of a story that I'd read early on in this journey about a little girl named Teddi.  Her mama had been given her name several years before she was born on the other side of the world, which was several years before she was adopted.  Tina (One Blessed Nest) tells the story of how God was faithful to keep sending little reminders of His plan as she would see variations of their little girl's name throughout those eight years.  (Thank you, Tina, for sharing your story and helping build my trust!)

The other night was a hard one, and I found myself opening my Bible to a random page.  Sometimes God speaks to me through His word in this way, and the margins of my Bible are increasingly becoming noted with dates of certain verses.  It fell open to the book of Esther, and there in chapter 2, verse 15 I read, "When the turn came for Esther (the girl Mordecai had adopted, the daughter of his uncle Abihail) . . ."  It's not quite Abigail, but it's close.  :)  And it makes me wonder (yet again) if the path He leads us on will end up including adoption.  But for now, there hasn't been any word to move forward in any specific way.


Just to continue praying . . . and preparing . . . and obeying the steps we've been given for now.  Those steps have included beginning to take the first part of any income and giving it to God.  Beginning to pray together (my husband and I) on a regular basis.  Examining the different ways that we are spending our time and our money to see which ones are giving God our best at this season of life.  Opening ourselves to hearing God's voice and direction in all areas of life in ways that we haven't before.  So that when that time does come, we will hopefully be ready.
 

A hope and a promise

Tomorrow a new ministry at our church begins, HOPE meetings for women in the community who are grieving the loss of a child.  This is very dear to my heart, since we have four babies awaiting us in heaven, and because God reached out to me in the midst of such a painful time to draw me back to Him.  It is our prayer that through this group we'll be able to share the comfort that we have received from God with women who are in the thick such a hard experience.

A lot of my recent focus and prayer has been on this new ministry, but God keeps sending reminders that it is not to be my only focus.  For a time in the midst of the planning, I had even begun to wonder if Abigail was one of the babies that we had lost and that through sharing God's work in the midst of that experience was the way God was going to be glorified.  It wasn't long after that thought that I got another little reminder that no, this is something new.

It has been so inspiring to watch the way that God has gently kept Abigail on my mind even in the midst of the daily life and special projects that are for this season.  Aside from that first promise that was spoken straight to my heart, most of the nudges since then have come either through His Word or through those of you who are supporting this journey with me.  Right when I need it most, one of the verses from this journey shows up or a comment is written here.  Sometimes it's a note letting me know that you've been praying for Abigail or passing along something that reminded you of our journey.

This week, God used one of you to pass along a single sentence that was overhead as someone walked by in the hallway.   "Abigail will be born in (month*)."  The speaker then corrected himself, replaced that month with one five months later, the coming birth of his own daughter.  You thought of our journey, and sent me a quick message.  I was intrigued, but tried to talk myself out of believing that it had much significance.  :)
Still, that single sentence stuck in my mind, so I began praying for confirmation if the month spoken (*which I'm not going to share right now so as not to influence the way this journey unfolds) was relevant to our Abigail. 

I opened up my Bible and landed on a page from 2 Samuel.  The first few paragraphs I read didn't seem to contain any confirmation as it was a description of preparation for one of the many battles in the Old Testament.  Then I landed on verse 25.

Absalom had appointed Amasa over the army in place of Joab. Amasa was the son of a man named Jether, an Israelite who had married Abigail, the daughter of Nahash and sister of Zeruiah the mother of Joab.  2 Samuel 17:25

So I added that sentence to the ever-growing list of ways that God keeps Abigail in my prayers.  It's not going to shape the direction we go, but perhaps was sent as a way of confirming at some point down the road that we are still on the right path or as a reminder that big things are still ahead and not to slack off on the prayers.  In any case, it imbues me with HOPE and reminds me of God's sovereignty.

Cairns

Back in my Girl Scout days, we learned about cairns ~ stacks of rocks beside a hiking trail to let you know that you were still on the right path.

These past weeks have brought those to mind.  While God continues to work and shape us in ways that don't always seem directly related to the Abigail promise, there have been little markers along the way that remind us that yes, we are still on the right path, and no, He hasn't forgotten.


And I am so thankful for those.  Because otherwise it would be far too easy for me to get wrapped up in the day-to-day of parenting, schooling, and ministry and forget that we have been set upon a path.  Don't get me wrong ~ those things ARE the most important things right now, because those are the tasks that God has given for this stage.  But they're not the only things. He has given us the promise now so that when the time comes for it to be fulfilled, we'll be ready.  And some of that readiness means giving our best to the present while at the same time, listening for any steps we need to take for the future.

The cairns come sometimes when I least expect them.  A former student wrote an email about her encounter with a little old lady and her doggie (whom she'd adopted when he showed up homeless on her doorstep).  The dog's name?  Abigail.    A friend telling me how she thought of me when she was on a day trip for her birthday and wound up at a little restaurant for lunch ~ named Abigail's.  Bible verses from this Abigail journey showing up over and over again in books and magazines:  Psalm 40:3, Psalm 27:14 . . .   My 4 year old son coming up and patting my heart while saying, "You've got a baby in there."  (The kids don't know about this promise yet.)   A message from a friend encouraging me to hold tight to this promise and not to second guess it, because in the grand scheme of things, we've only had this promise for about as long as a typical pregnancy.  Another friend loaning me a book (that she was in the middle of reading), because it made her think so much of this situation.  Cairns, all of them, that remind me to give thanks to a Father who knows all the twists and turns of this trail and has already set out markers to guide us along the path.

Isaiah 42:16 - I will lead blind Israel down a new path, guiding them along an unfamiliar way.  I will brighten the darkness before them and smooth out the road ahead of them.  Yes, I will indeed do these things; I will not forsake them.

A steadfast spirit and finding joy

Last Sunday evening, September 11, my husband had opened up his Bible looking for some answers to a situation he was dealing with , and one of the verses that just jumped out at him was Psalm 51:10 - Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
That seemed really familiar to me, more so than just having read through it in the last couple years, so I grabbed one of my journals where I've been chronicling the Abigail journey.  While I didn't see anything there, it fell open to an entry dated 9/11 .  . . . . looking on the page before, from 2006, when I was newly pregnant with my son.

And ...... you guessed it, there at the very top of the page was Psalm 51:10, along with my prayer for God to create a steadfast spirit within me.  Exactly five years earlier, the same verse!

And that's not all.  On the facing page, there's a short list, which is not labelled, so I'm not sure if it came from a book, my own writing, or what exactly, but it reads:

Joy is . . .
- knowing that it's not all up to me
- knowing that God has it all together
- knowing that He can mend our broken pieces
- knowing that this life, however beautiful and terrible, is only a stage
- knowing that a future more wonderful than we can imagine awaits
So I grabbed my big Bible to see if I'd jotted down the part about Psalm 51:10 there from five years ago.  And don't even get that far.  Because there inside the front cover, on one of my post-it notes of verses and dates, it reads:

9/11/06
Psalm 40:1-3

Yes, the Abigail verse was part of that day too!  God has been so faithful in giving confirmation of this journey through His word, in ways that have been in process for many years.


This whole week, joy has been a recurring theme in so many places.  And not always easy joy .  . .  but joy in the midst of hard circumstances, the joy that comes only from God and His redeeming work.

Hebrews 12:2
. . . fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.


PS:  A week later, I just ran across a page in my journal from the very beginning of 2011.  On January 5, Psalm 51:10 was my prayer.  Thank you, Lord, for the way you are using specific verses to build my faith on this journey!