Abraham

Friends, you are so appreciated.  I'm smiling this morning to see how God spurred three of you over the past couple weeks, completely unaware of the others, to send me a note.  Each one said basically the same thing:  I was reading the story of Abraham, and I noticed how long it was between the promise of a son and its fulfillment.

For Abraham, the promise is confirmed multiple times, but over a broad span of years.  At first it is somewhat unclear how he will have a son, and Sarah decides to speed up the process by offering her servant to Abraham.  As one of the notes pointed out, it was then 14 long years between Ishmael's birth and that of Isaac.  In our instant access world of today, it's hard to wait 14 minutes at times, and even 14 days seems nearly unthinkable.  14 years? 

This story, each time I read it, reminds me how important it is to draw close to God so that I can trust in His timing.  Because on my own, I am far too impatient.  I would jump ahead into situations that weren't God's plan because *I* felt it was time. 

So thank you, friends, for your prayers, and for sending along those little notes.  The way the Holy Spirit prompts you to reach out at the times that you do is perfectly God timing, and sends such a big message.

100 posts later . . .

Today marks 2 years.  Two years since life was given a whole new perspective, Abigail-colored glasses, so to speak.  Two years ago I found myself starting a blog.

A year ago, a year felt like an incredibly long time in some respects.  A year ago, I was blessed to discover little Abigail reminders waiting for me first thing in the morning.  A year ago, I found myself looking back. 

And today I see that this is the 100th post on this blog. One hundred posts that have led me bit by bit, step by step to who I am today.  Two years closer to seeing what God has in store for Abigail.  Life is beginning to look a little different, but still so much the same. 

Long term faith is a tricky thing.  It's so easy to try to fit God's plan into our timing and then get frustrated and disappointed and doubt when it doesn't happen.  It's tempting to try to take things into our own hands and act on what we think the plan might be.  It's a short step to judging things solely from what we can see and decide that nothing is happening or that we heard God wrong or that He has changed His mind.  It's not a long slide into making the fulfillment of the promise an idol that surpasses the importance of the Giver of the promise.

I go back frequently to the question ~ what if I misunderstood?  Would my journey over these past years be all for nothing?  So far, I can say that it would still be worth it.  I wouldn't want to trade the changes that I have seen God make in me, and in my husband.  God has opened the doors to new aspects of our callings.  It is no longer just about Abigail, but about God's bigger plan to use our family.  He has knit together my life with those of many others through this journey, and our friendships have moved to a deeper level that is centered on what God is doing in our lives.  He has opened our eyes to the way He is working outside of our little family or church. 

I have to be honest .  . . there is a part of me that would just love some confirmation on this 2nd "Abi-versary".  A special verse, or sign of some sort, to reassure me that I didn't misunderstand.  And as I go through my day, I've got an eye and ear tuned to notice if there is.  But if there isn't .  . . it's ok.  God doesn't change just because I can't see things from His perspective.  Even when I can't understand why things are or aren't happening in a certain way, He is still on His throne and working all things for good.

Keep tuned .  . . when the timing is right, our next Abigail steps will be shown.  And until then, we keep putting pieces into place.  Sometimes they feel like they may be from a different puzzle, but in the end, I have a feeling they will have been part of her picture the whole time. 

And maybe one day we'll find ourselves saying, "Abby girl, God knew you before you were born, and He told us about you.  You grew in our hearts long before you began to grow inside the womb.  He has a plan for you, such a big plan that it needed more than just our family to be praying for you. He loves you so very much, Abigail, and so do we."

Sabbatical

A friend referred to these days I am in as a sabbatical, and I immediately latched on to the term.  In the academic world, it is a year to be spend renewing and refreshing through travel, study, and rest, taken roughly every seven years.  In the trenches of motherhood, it is an unknown concept.  In the busy-ness of our American culture, even a weekly Sabbath rest is hard to carve out.

We sometimes picture God brushing the dust off his hands in the Genesis account of creation, then settling back in a recliner for a well earned rest, his work done.  Then we compare that to our own lives and bolster our decision to work straight through every day of every week of every month with a  "I'd love to rest, but there's just too much work to do.  Maybe someday when it's done."  A line in Wonderstruck has stayed with me this week:  "Sometimes it's easy to read the story of creation and think that on the seventh day God's work was done, but really God's work had only just begun.  Yet God chose to rest anyway."

This is a challenge for the side of me that loves to check things off lists, and that always has a much bigger list in my head than I could ever complete in several lifetimes.  Choosing to rest anyway.  The overachiever in the back of my mind is raising her hand, ready to denounce the laziness. 

I read further, and ponder along with the author that the two longest commandments are worshiping only God and not idols, and observing the Sabbath.  Even the overachiever is forced to put her hand down when confronted by this thought:

Apart from developing a healthy rhythm of rest, we succumb to idols and their constant demands.  The Sabbath provides the space we need to recognize the false gods that slip into our lives when we are distracted.  This holy day gives us the opportunity to remove them and recalibrate our lives to God.

Gulp.  My idols.  In this sabbatical time, God is revealing them for what they are, and they sometimes show up in unlikely places.  They have snuck in to my life, with their promises that by following them, everything else will be good.  By carefully adhering to each item on their lists, I'll have nothing to worry about.  And worst of all, I realize that many of them crept in by disguising themselves as God's will.  At first a well-intentioned way of following God, they had shifted and grown so much that trust began to be placed on them instead.  News reports have a way of revealing them lately.  I'll hear something and begin to think, "Oh, but I don't have to worry about that, because we . . . .  oh wait, we don't.  Aggghhhh!  What will we do, we're not safe anymore?!?"  And just like that, an idol is revealed for what it had started to become, something sneaking in place of God.

This sabbatical time is reminding me that our true safety and rest only come from the One whom we follow, not on our actions or those of others.  And that in the end, God is bigger than even the worst nightmare that we can imagine, and is capable of redeeming it into something beautiful, for His glory.  So if you catch me with my feet up for a bit, pull up a chair and join me?  The lists will still be there, the laundry isn't going to run off, and as long as the kids are in a secure location, they can entertain themselves for a few minutes.  We'll take a few minutes to rest and seek God, and remember that the world really won't stop turning if we pause.

January recap

A month gone by, the first of this new stage of life for us.   My goals for January were simple ~ make it through, and get used to new schedules and routines.  And in that respect, it was a rousing success.  We're all starting to - dare I say it? - embrace the new normal.

The kids have gotten used to getting up early and are making friends.  They're adjusting to school routines and teachers that are different from the ones we'd had here.  A corner of the dining room has become homework and backpack central.  And in the midst of the moments of "AGGGGHHHH!  What are we DOING?", God has sent little moments that assure us that we are following His plan.  A comment that "My class talks about church a lot!", an image of the Lord standing right beside the eldest, the way the other kids at the bus stop have seem so eager for adult interaction each morning . . . little things timed so perfectly.  We've found that getting up a little earlier makes not only for smoother mornings, but allows us to time to do a quick Bible reading and prayer before school.

For me, this is sacred time.  There are three months until my studies begin in full force, so I have this window of time to  . . . be.  It's been tempting to make huge lists.  But for January, I allowed myself grace and space to make the transition.  To grieve the end of the era of having the kids with me all day, and to start to put on a not-only-mom-and-teacher identity.  To rewrite my mental to-do list with our new routines.  It's a rare season where I can let God use me each day to spend time praying for others and immersing myself in His word.  I'm not taking it lightly ~ these times don't come often.

There's been reading, though not as much as I expected.  There's been cleaning, also not as much I would have liked.  There's been exercise, and a few lunches with friend.  At times it feels like I'm cheating ~ surely it's not permissible to have time for me during the day!  There's been good time talking and reading and snuggling with the kids in the evenings and after school.  

For February, it's time to tackle the used-to-be school room.  For last month it sat just as we left it before Christmas, shades drawn.  But it's time.  God has called us to this new path, and that means stepping onto it fully, trusting that He goes before us. 

A prayer marked by faith is never about what happens on our terms or time lines, but God's.  Faith-stained prayer brings us to a place of trust and hope. - Margaret Feinberg in Wonderstruck

The past six weeks have reinforced for me that once we turn ourselves over to God, we shouldn't be surprised when life doesn't happen on our terms or time lines.  It will seldom look just like the life we've so admired in a friend, and will often take us places that we never expected to go (whether that be across the world or from one room to the next).  But God is good, and He sees so far beyond what I can see.  Often the things that seem the best from my vantage point would pale in comparison to what He has in store.

PS:  For the book-inclined, here's the list of books that were finished in January.  Many of them were started earlier:

• Red letter verses of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John
• Reinventing Rachel, Alison Strobel (fiction)
• Learning a New Routine: Reading the Sermon on the Mount, Jon Swanson
• When the Heart Waits: Spiritual Direction for Life's Sacred Questions, Sue Monk Kidd
• A Guide for Listening and Inner Healing Prayer, Rusty Rustenbach
• Flunking Sainthood: A Year of Breaking the Sabbath, Forgetting to Pray, and Still Loving My Neighbor, Jana Riess
• Beyond the Storm, Carolyn Zane (fiction)
• Michael: A Novel, Jill Eileen Smith
• Bathsheba: A Novel, Jill Eileen Smith