Dear Abigail,
Today we celebrated your sister's birthday. As we did, I couldn't help but wonder about your birthday. If you are already out there somewhere, does someone celebrate your birthday with you? God knows when your day is, for He formed you. Maybe you haven't been born yet as I write this, at the end of May 2011. God still knows when your birthday will be. He has a plan for your life, and somehow it is linked to our lives.
You are loved by us already, Abigail. I look forward to one day celebrating YOUR birthday!
Love, Mama
Lord, please watch over Abigail. Keep her safe and blanket her with your love.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Thursday, May 26, 2011
God's tapestry
Today I received another reminder of just how big God is, as a friend relayed a story that only God could have woven together. The characters were unlikely and separated by distance, with a situation that seemed hopeless. But God used past connections, technology, and friendships to bring hope to the family of a small child in another land, who only know of Him from afar. He used circumstances to soften a heart of one who could help. He sent the perfect scripture at just the right time. And out of this situation, potential seeds of faith, acceptance, and mission are born. God is just getting started in their lives!
As I listened, I was reminded that His plans are so much greater than our. That He can turn the hurt into hope. That I can trust that even when it seems nothing is happening with our Abigail journey, He is weaving the necessary threads together. That some of the threads may have already been woven together long ago. That a seemingly loose end may even come back to play an incredibly important role.
As I listened, I was reminded that His plans are so much greater than our. That He can turn the hurt into hope. That I can trust that even when it seems nothing is happening with our Abigail journey, He is weaving the necessary threads together. That some of the threads may have already been woven together long ago. That a seemingly loose end may even come back to play an incredibly important role.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Encouraged
Today I am encouraged by the realization that God's plan is so much bigger and greater than anything I could dream up on my own. His timing is more perfect than any I could try to orchestrate.
When I just look out my own narrow window of how Abigail could join our family, it is discouraging, because there are mainly two options that come to mind: by birth (increasingly unlikely as time goes on) or adoption (financially unlikely at present). Yesterday I had the strangest sense that something relating to Abigail was imminent, which didn't make sense in terms of these two options.
Today, though, I was reminded that God doesn't operate within the constrictions of my narrow understanding. Linny at A Place Called Simplicity wrote a beautiful post about how she and her husband became parents to adult African orphans who were still desperately wanting a father and a mother despite no longer being children. Reading that post, it made me realize that in God's family, a son or daughter can become part of His family at any age. That maybe in our family, Abigail won't be a baby, or even a small child. She may not even come to live in our house . . . or city . . . or country.
No matter how hard I try to envision what God has in store, chances are that when it happens He will amaze me with the way it comes about. Will it be a split instant change when there is a knock on the door or a phone call or email received? Will it unfold gradually? It is encouraging to think that in the least likely of circumstances, God could bring our daughter into our lives. So I live today with anticipation that one day in the (not so distant?) future, we will look at each other and say, "So THIS is how it happens. Praise the LORD!"
When I just look out my own narrow window of how Abigail could join our family, it is discouraging, because there are mainly two options that come to mind: by birth (increasingly unlikely as time goes on) or adoption (financially unlikely at present). Yesterday I had the strangest sense that something relating to Abigail was imminent, which didn't make sense in terms of these two options.
Today, though, I was reminded that God doesn't operate within the constrictions of my narrow understanding. Linny at A Place Called Simplicity wrote a beautiful post about how she and her husband became parents to adult African orphans who were still desperately wanting a father and a mother despite no longer being children. Reading that post, it made me realize that in God's family, a son or daughter can become part of His family at any age. That maybe in our family, Abigail won't be a baby, or even a small child. She may not even come to live in our house . . . or city . . . or country.
No matter how hard I try to envision what God has in store, chances are that when it happens He will amaze me with the way it comes about. Will it be a split instant change when there is a knock on the door or a phone call or email received? Will it unfold gradually? It is encouraging to think that in the least likely of circumstances, God could bring our daughter into our lives. So I live today with anticipation that one day in the (not so distant?) future, we will look at each other and say, "So THIS is how it happens. Praise the LORD!"
Monday, May 16, 2011
What is my Isaac?
This morning a friend asked where things were at with our journey, and I was telling her that we were waiting. Waiting for what? Not sure. Waiting for how long? No idea. Our conversation shifted, and it wasn't long before she brought up the story about Abraham and Isaac. My first reaction was, "Oh no, you too? Ok, I take back what I said before about being in a stage of just waiting. God is obviously trying to prepare me for something." This wasn't the only time Abrahad's obedience has been brought to my attention recently.
In addition to the conversation this morning, the story of Abraham and Isaac had come up multiple times in the past few days. In reading Bonhoeffer's The Cost of Discipleship, this story is referred to extensively in the first section of the book on obedience.
What is my Isaac? What am I going to be called to be willing to give up in obedience to God, even if it is in turn given back to me? Is it a child? My spouse? Homeschooling? My job? Control? Comfort? Safety? My time? Will I trust that God will provide even when there seems to be no out? What shape will Jehovah-jireh take in the way our lives are intertwined with Abigail's?
Just after coming to this realization of how often God had placed the story of Abraham's obedience before me, the children asked to listen to a Bible story over lunch. In the book we're using, the next story is that of Abraham finding a wife for Isaac. Several things stood out to me from that next story.
In addition to the conversation this morning, the story of Abraham and Isaac had come up multiple times in the past few days. In reading Bonhoeffer's The Cost of Discipleship, this story is referred to extensively in the first section of the book on obedience.
Later on he [Abraham] was called by God to offer his own son Isaac as a sacrifice. Christ had come between the father of faith and the child of promise. . . He takes God at his word and is ready to obey. . . And at that very moment all that he surrendered was given back to him. He receives back his son. God shows him a better sacrifice which will take the place of Isaac. . . . Abraham receives Isaac back, but henceforth he will have his sone in quite a new way - through the Mediator and for the Mediator's sake. . . . Outwardly the picture is unchanged, but the old has passed away, and behold all things are new. Everything has had to pass through Christ. (99)A couple days later this story came up in the discussion between a friend and I over how far we were willing to follow God's call in our lives (somewhat related to Crazy Love). And just last night, the next story in our evening Bible readings with the children was that of Abraham and Isaac.
What is my Isaac? What am I going to be called to be willing to give up in obedience to God, even if it is in turn given back to me? Is it a child? My spouse? Homeschooling? My job? Control? Comfort? Safety? My time? Will I trust that God will provide even when there seems to be no out? What shape will Jehovah-jireh take in the way our lives are intertwined with Abigail's?
Just after coming to this realization of how often God had placed the story of Abraham's obedience before me, the children asked to listen to a Bible story over lunch. In the book we're using, the next story is that of Abraham finding a wife for Isaac. Several things stood out to me from that next story.
- Abraham had moved his family from place to place instead of having a permanent settlement in order to keep them apart. Does my comfort hinder my holiness?
- Abraham's servant prayed for a specific sign in order to recognize Isaac's bride.
- Upon hearing the story, Rebekah's family responded with, "This comes from the Lord; it is his will; and it is not for us to oppose it." Whatever my worries are surrounding the potential circumstances of Abigail's coming into our life, it is HIS will, and not for me to oppose or try to mold into something that feels easier.
- Instead of waiting the suggested ten days to return, the servant encouraged a speedy return, since God had given Rebekah. Rebekah agrees. When God asks us to obey, we shouldn't wait.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Holding each other up
There are days it's easy to do what God is asking. Give this book . . . share a verse . . . send a card. Sing praise, immerse in the Word, pray long. Generosity and worship flow, and feel good. Days when God's presence is so near you can't imagine it being otherwise.
Then there are other days. The days of sacrifice and questioning. The days when the request is to give something up. To not pursue something that seems so right in the moment. To wait and not rush into something before its time. The days when it's hard to get past the barriers blocking the path to God. Days when a God-given vision feel in the moment like merely a dream.
Those days, we pray each other through. We remind other of God's plans - sometimes knowingly, sometimes through a God whisper that only has meaning for our specific situation. In the dry desert we lift a hammer to help build the ark, trusting God's command to obey, even when there is not a cloud in sight. When the rain pours, we share the silver linings and the memories of rainbows and the promise that the rain will end.
Today I am thankful for this beautiful reminder from a friend that she believes in the promise I've been given. I'd been considering some sort of necklace to remind me of Abigail. This one not only gives me that, but also the reminder to give thanks each day for the many, many blessings that God has sent, both large and small.
Then there are other days. The days of sacrifice and questioning. The days when the request is to give something up. To not pursue something that seems so right in the moment. To wait and not rush into something before its time. The days when it's hard to get past the barriers blocking the path to God. Days when a God-given vision feel in the moment like merely a dream.
Those days, we pray each other through. We remind other of God's plans - sometimes knowingly, sometimes through a God whisper that only has meaning for our specific situation. In the dry desert we lift a hammer to help build the ark, trusting God's command to obey, even when there is not a cloud in sight. When the rain pours, we share the silver linings and the memories of rainbows and the promise that the rain will end.
Today I am thankful for this beautiful reminder from a friend that she believes in the promise I've been given. I'd been considering some sort of necklace to remind me of Abigail. This one not only gives me that, but also the reminder to give thanks each day for the many, many blessings that God has sent, both large and small.
Monday, May 9, 2011
The "Right" Way
Somehow in my life the idea that there is only one "right" way has become deeply entrenched. While there are certain areas of life where this is true (hooking up jumper cables, salvation through Jesus, etc.), those are pretty few and far between, even if they are extremely important. In the over application of this "right way" thinking, however, a decision such as "What should I make for dinner?" or "What should I wear today?" has the potential to be treated with the same type of life or death energy. The amount of accumulated minutes spent giving "life or death" focus to "it really doesn't matter" choices in my life would probably be mind-numbing if I were able to add them all up.
Today I read two things that really made me think about this mentality. One was from a very unlikely source, Container Gardening for Kids, by Ellen Talmage. In the introduction to the book, she was discussing the joy of experimenting with different plants and conditions. I was half-heartedly reading it to my kindergartener when the next paragraph really stuck out:
Then this afternoon I was feeling miserably overwhelmed, and sure that I've completely lost any of the lessons I learned during my Daniel fast, and convinced that I would continue making poor choices. An article on Christian homeschooling brought the morning's advice about success and failure right back to me:
In The Bondage Breaker by Neil T. Anderson, the author describes our Christian life as the process of walking down a long narrow street of maturity in Christ. But the row houses on either side of the street are still under the enemy's control, and he will try to keep us from reaching our goal. Having no authority or power to physically block our path or stop us, Satan hangs from windows and calls to us, hoping to turn our attention away from Jesus by offering temptation, calling out accusations, and tossing down deception. He wants us to slow our pace, or even sit down and stop right there in the middle of the street. How much of my worries over a "right" choice have resulted in that same type of slowing or stopping? Seeing a fork in the road, when really I've already taken the narrow way?
On to less thinking, and more doing as I travel down the path.
Today I read two things that really made me think about this mentality. One was from a very unlikely source, Container Gardening for Kids, by Ellen Talmage. In the introduction to the book, she was discussing the joy of experimenting with different plants and conditions. I was half-heartedly reading it to my kindergartener when the next paragraph really stuck out:
It is important to know that no gardener has complete success. Because you are dealing with Mother Nature, you should expect a certain amount of disappointment. Keep a notebook handy to write down what you do and when, and record your successes and failtures. Sometimes, the best way to learn to grow a kind of plant is to kill it first. You will seldom make the same mistake twice. Don't get discouraged. Eventually, your many successes will outweigh your failures. (p. 4)Here was a complete gem of advice for those choices that really don't matter. Go ahead and keep trying. Yes, you're going to fail. Yes, you're going to make "wrong" choices that even kill the plant. But that's not the end. Too much sun? Try a shadier spot. Not enough water? Irrigate more frequently. Lesson learned, move on, and remember that a new plant won't respond the same. How often do I expect a single checklist to cover all the situations in life, and get disappointed when I can't find it? How often do I give up on things when my initial efforts fail, when I have "killed a plant" so to speak? How often I just label myself as having a black thumb and don't even keep trying!
Then this afternoon I was feeling miserably overwhelmed, and sure that I've completely lost any of the lessons I learned during my Daniel fast, and convinced that I would continue making poor choices. An article on Christian homeschooling brought the morning's advice about success and failure right back to me:
Robert Kiyosaki says the most damaging beliefs the public school system teaches are (1) that mistakes are bad and (2) that there is only one right way to do something. These beliefs create a fear of failure, a fear of making mistakes, that thwart true learning. Kiyosaki further says that most true learning comes from making mistakes, from falling down and trying again like you do when you learn to walk or learn to ride a bicycle. So failure always has something to teach us, and often teaches us more than success does. . . What if we really believed God works everything for our good and even redeems our mistakes? That would dispel a lot of our fear and anxiety. (http://www.christianhomeschooling.us/articles/ellyndavis1.html)He redeems our mistakes. I know this. I believe it about my past. But do I live as if I believe it in the present? Or do I spend so much time trying to make the "right" choice that I end up not choosing anything? Do I rob myself of God's redemption in the present?
In The Bondage Breaker by Neil T. Anderson, the author describes our Christian life as the process of walking down a long narrow street of maturity in Christ. But the row houses on either side of the street are still under the enemy's control, and he will try to keep us from reaching our goal. Having no authority or power to physically block our path or stop us, Satan hangs from windows and calls to us, hoping to turn our attention away from Jesus by offering temptation, calling out accusations, and tossing down deception. He wants us to slow our pace, or even sit down and stop right there in the middle of the street. How much of my worries over a "right" choice have resulted in that same type of slowing or stopping? Seeing a fork in the road, when really I've already taken the narrow way?
On to less thinking, and more doing as I travel down the path.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Dear Abigail
Dear Abigail,
It's after midnight, and I should be in bed already. But here I am, writing to you. We haven't met yet, you and I. A couple months ago, God let us know that you would be our daughter. And that's all we know so far, aside from the fact that the circumstances of your coming to our family will be amazing evidence of God that will draw people to Him.
You might already be living somewhere in this big world. If you are, I am praying for your health and safety. I'm praying that you are cared for. And I'm already mourning the circumstances that will make it necessary for you to have a new family.
Or maybe you have yet to be born. If so, I pray for your birth parents, whether that be us or two other people. I pray for God's perfect timing in your birth.
All we have right now is a promise . . . but I trust the giver of that promise with all I am, that He will pull together every part of this so that one day we meet. God is already filling my heart with love for you. Whether we meet in 10 months or 10 years, I will be waiting. Until then, be strong and courageous, and do not be discouraged. God is with you, my daughter, and has a most wonderful plan for your life.
Until we meet one day,
Love, Mama
PS: Your big sister and brother are already praying for you, too, even though they do not know you by name yet.
It's after midnight, and I should be in bed already. But here I am, writing to you. We haven't met yet, you and I. A couple months ago, God let us know that you would be our daughter. And that's all we know so far, aside from the fact that the circumstances of your coming to our family will be amazing evidence of God that will draw people to Him.
You might already be living somewhere in this big world. If you are, I am praying for your health and safety. I'm praying that you are cared for. And I'm already mourning the circumstances that will make it necessary for you to have a new family.
Or maybe you have yet to be born. If so, I pray for your birth parents, whether that be us or two other people. I pray for God's perfect timing in your birth.
All we have right now is a promise . . . but I trust the giver of that promise with all I am, that He will pull together every part of this so that one day we meet. God is already filling my heart with love for you. Whether we meet in 10 months or 10 years, I will be waiting. Until then, be strong and courageous, and do not be discouraged. God is with you, my daughter, and has a most wonderful plan for your life.
Until we meet one day,
Love, Mama
PS: Your big sister and brother are already praying for you, too, even though they do not know you by name yet.
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