Awaiting

Photo by Beautiful Evidence Photography

This weekend we had family pictures taken.  Aside from ones done for the church directory and snapshots during the holidays, this was the first "real" set of family pictures that we've done.  We couldn't be happier with them.  :)  The photographer who took them is also a friend, and she surprised us by having a sign referencing Abigail ready to include in some of the shots (thanks, Sarah!).  It was such a sweet gesture and really captured where we're at as a family right now ~ enjoying the happiness of the present days, but anticipating God's work at the same time.

One day we'll look back at these photos and tell her, "Even then, you were in our hearts."

What if?

What if, at the end, there wasn't an Abigail?  Is it still worth it to walk this path, wherever it ends up leading? 

So far, I would have to say yes, and pray that I'll be able to say that continuously.  This isn't me doubting God's promise ~ it's just me recognizing that a big part of the blessing of this journey is in the obedience, the drawing closer to God, the relationships being strengthened, and the changes that are happening in the right now of our daily lives.  The promise brings joy not only in its fulfillment, but also in the journey.

A hope and a promise

Tomorrow a new ministry at our church begins, HOPE meetings for women in the community who are grieving the loss of a child.  This is very dear to my heart, since we have four babies awaiting us in heaven, and because God reached out to me in the midst of such a painful time to draw me back to Him.  It is our prayer that through this group we'll be able to share the comfort that we have received from God with women who are in the thick such a hard experience.

A lot of my recent focus and prayer has been on this new ministry, but God keeps sending reminders that it is not to be my only focus.  For a time in the midst of the planning, I had even begun to wonder if Abigail was one of the babies that we had lost and that through sharing God's work in the midst of that experience was the way God was going to be glorified.  It wasn't long after that thought that I got another little reminder that no, this is something new.

It has been so inspiring to watch the way that God has gently kept Abigail on my mind even in the midst of the daily life and special projects that are for this season.  Aside from that first promise that was spoken straight to my heart, most of the nudges since then have come either through His Word or through those of you who are supporting this journey with me.  Right when I need it most, one of the verses from this journey shows up or a comment is written here.  Sometimes it's a note letting me know that you've been praying for Abigail or passing along something that reminded you of our journey.

This week, God used one of you to pass along a single sentence that was overhead as someone walked by in the hallway.   "Abigail will be born in (month*)."  The speaker then corrected himself, replaced that month with one five months later, the coming birth of his own daughter.  You thought of our journey, and sent me a quick message.  I was intrigued, but tried to talk myself out of believing that it had much significance.  :)
Still, that single sentence stuck in my mind, so I began praying for confirmation if the month spoken (*which I'm not going to share right now so as not to influence the way this journey unfolds) was relevant to our Abigail. 

I opened up my Bible and landed on a page from 2 Samuel.  The first few paragraphs I read didn't seem to contain any confirmation as it was a description of preparation for one of the many battles in the Old Testament.  Then I landed on verse 25.

Absalom had appointed Amasa over the army in place of Joab. Amasa was the son of a man named Jether, an Israelite who had married Abigail, the daughter of Nahash and sister of Zeruiah the mother of Joab.  2 Samuel 17:25

So I added that sentence to the ever-growing list of ways that God keeps Abigail in my prayers.  It's not going to shape the direction we go, but perhaps was sent as a way of confirming at some point down the road that we are still on the right path or as a reminder that big things are still ahead and not to slack off on the prayers.  In any case, it imbues me with HOPE and reminds me of God's sovereignty.

Cairns

Back in my Girl Scout days, we learned about cairns ~ stacks of rocks beside a hiking trail to let you know that you were still on the right path.

These past weeks have brought those to mind.  While God continues to work and shape us in ways that don't always seem directly related to the Abigail promise, there have been little markers along the way that remind us that yes, we are still on the right path, and no, He hasn't forgotten.


And I am so thankful for those.  Because otherwise it would be far too easy for me to get wrapped up in the day-to-day of parenting, schooling, and ministry and forget that we have been set upon a path.  Don't get me wrong ~ those things ARE the most important things right now, because those are the tasks that God has given for this stage.  But they're not the only things. He has given us the promise now so that when the time comes for it to be fulfilled, we'll be ready.  And some of that readiness means giving our best to the present while at the same time, listening for any steps we need to take for the future.

The cairns come sometimes when I least expect them.  A former student wrote an email about her encounter with a little old lady and her doggie (whom she'd adopted when he showed up homeless on her doorstep).  The dog's name?  Abigail.    A friend telling me how she thought of me when she was on a day trip for her birthday and wound up at a little restaurant for lunch ~ named Abigail's.  Bible verses from this Abigail journey showing up over and over again in books and magazines:  Psalm 40:3, Psalm 27:14 . . .   My 4 year old son coming up and patting my heart while saying, "You've got a baby in there."  (The kids don't know about this promise yet.)   A message from a friend encouraging me to hold tight to this promise and not to second guess it, because in the grand scheme of things, we've only had this promise for about as long as a typical pregnancy.  Another friend loaning me a book (that she was in the middle of reading), because it made her think so much of this situation.  Cairns, all of them, that remind me to give thanks to a Father who knows all the twists and turns of this trail and has already set out markers to guide us along the path.

Isaiah 42:16 - I will lead blind Israel down a new path, guiding them along an unfamiliar way.  I will brighten the darkness before them and smooth out the road ahead of them.  Yes, I will indeed do these things; I will not forsake them.