Abraham

Friends, you are so appreciated.  I'm smiling this morning to see how God spurred three of you over the past couple weeks, completely unaware of the others, to send me a note.  Each one said basically the same thing:  I was reading the story of Abraham, and I noticed how long it was between the promise of a son and its fulfillment.

For Abraham, the promise is confirmed multiple times, but over a broad span of years.  At first it is somewhat unclear how he will have a son, and Sarah decides to speed up the process by offering her servant to Abraham.  As one of the notes pointed out, it was then 14 long years between Ishmael's birth and that of Isaac.  In our instant access world of today, it's hard to wait 14 minutes at times, and even 14 days seems nearly unthinkable.  14 years? 

This story, each time I read it, reminds me how important it is to draw close to God so that I can trust in His timing.  Because on my own, I am far too impatient.  I would jump ahead into situations that weren't God's plan because *I* felt it was time. 

So thank you, friends, for your prayers, and for sending along those little notes.  The way the Holy Spirit prompts you to reach out at the times that you do is perfectly God timing, and sends such a big message.

Merry Christmas!

When we lived in Arizona, good friends of ours had a tradition of a Christmas Eve open house.  We spent several of those together eating chowder, reminiscing about the year, and taking a look at the tree ornament they had chosen for that year of life.  As recently marrieds, their collection of nearly 20 ornaments was inspiring to us, and we decided to begin collecting ornaments to represent our life together.  While many of you are too far away to actually stop by, there's nothing stopping us from having a virtual Christmas Eve open house.  :)  

Welcome to our humble abode!  As you come up to the front door, you'll pass our only outside decoration.  This year, we decided to keep things simple ~ though we LOVE driving by the houses of all of you who get great joy out of decorating to the hilt ~ no judgment here  :)  .  The stable is new, and made out of the old baby crib.  Sort of fitting, don't you think?   Watch your step, we still need to clear off the front steps.  Don't look too closely in the corners, and if you write a message in the dust, make it a nice one.  :)

Inside, you'll pass by our Christmas tree, nestled in against the windows.  I'll probably point out our  curtains from God behind the tree.  This year we scaled back the ornaments, including just our very favorites.  If you look closely, you'll see one from the Desert Botanical Garden in Phoenix from our first year of marriage.  A friend had given us tickets to their Las Noches de la Luminarias as a wedding present, and we'll always remember walking the candle lit trails in the chilly December air listening to music at different stations set up throughout the garden.  Another ornament, a blue velvet star, is more bittersweet, as its beads shine in memory of our children awaiting us in heaven.  Thomas the train, Cinderella, and various other ornaments were chosen by our 6 year old and 4 year old.  And I'll show you  this year's ornament, a simple word:  Joyful.   What a joy-filled year it has been, even in the midst of challenges.

Under the tree the kids will point out the gifts to Jesus.  This is new for 2011, and hopefully will become a part of our Christmas celebration.  We've wrapped up reminders of ways that we have been the hands and feet of Christ in this past year:  feeding the hungry, donating for orphans, sending clean water, packing shoe boxes for Operation Christmas Child, etc.  Come Christmas morning, those will be some of the first presents that we open, along with the stockings.   Then after church and our daughter's baptism(!), they'll tear into their own gifts.



Yummy sights and smells beckon from the dining room.  Frosted sugar cookies are a tradition from my childhood.  The rounded green trees with little sprinkles as ornaments, yellow stars sprinkled with glistening sugar crystals ~ those are memories from my childhood. When I was a newlywed I was on a quest to find the exact cookie cutters in antique stores to continue the tradition.  This year the girl child chose pink frosting to decorate her hearts and mittens, and the boy child decorated a train.  To the green trees, we've added saguaro cactus-shaped cookies, in memory of our life in the desert.  You didn't happen to bring some tamales, did you?   :)

On the side table you'll see a collection jar, with a picture of a church.  Not long ago, the Mr. was convicted to begin getting rid of some of our excess . .   selling it off . . . and using the money to help the poor build a church.  Build a church?  Surely not, God.  But yes, confirmation came from Scripture that this is indeed part of what we are being called to do.  Maybe Abigail is part of this bigger project?  So in faith we are beginning our collection jar. where penny by penny, dollar by dollar, God will bring His idea to fruition.  We don't yet know where, or when, or how, but are trusting that He does.  However it ends up happening, it will definitely by God who gets the glory, because of our own efforts alone, this would definitely not be possible.  (Sound familiar?)  Fitting enough, the first pennies given were from our oldest child.



If you're here at the right time tonight, you can join us in our Advent reading (written by a dear friend for our church).  This year's readings have been just perfect for going through with little ones and help to keep the focus on Jesus.  We'll talk about how you see God working in your life and what a faithful God we serve.  We'll talk, laugh together, shed a few tears, sing Christmas carols (a bit off-key, unless you're the musical one), listen to small children playing in the other room,  and add a few more links to our chain of friendship.

Too quickly, you'll tell me that you have to leave, and the house will empty out.  Once everyone has left, and the house is quiet and dark, I'll probably shed a few tears and thank our God for sending such wonderful friends into my life.  For friends that have been woven into my life over the years, and for those that God has recently sent my way. I thank God for you!

Merry Christmas to you, my friend.  May this year ahead bring a life of joy even in the midst of the hard, may it bring you ever closer to Jesus, and may you find peace in all circumstances.  Would you leave a comment letting me know that you stopped by, so that I can be praying for you on your journey?  And if you need prayers for something specific, send me an email.  It would be a blessing to be able to lift you up in prayer.

 I will praise you, O LORD, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonders.  I will be glad and rejoice in you; I will sing praise to your name, O Most High.   Psalm 9:1-2

A hope and a promise

Tomorrow a new ministry at our church begins, HOPE meetings for women in the community who are grieving the loss of a child.  This is very dear to my heart, since we have four babies awaiting us in heaven, and because God reached out to me in the midst of such a painful time to draw me back to Him.  It is our prayer that through this group we'll be able to share the comfort that we have received from God with women who are in the thick such a hard experience.

A lot of my recent focus and prayer has been on this new ministry, but God keeps sending reminders that it is not to be my only focus.  For a time in the midst of the planning, I had even begun to wonder if Abigail was one of the babies that we had lost and that through sharing God's work in the midst of that experience was the way God was going to be glorified.  It wasn't long after that thought that I got another little reminder that no, this is something new.

It has been so inspiring to watch the way that God has gently kept Abigail on my mind even in the midst of the daily life and special projects that are for this season.  Aside from that first promise that was spoken straight to my heart, most of the nudges since then have come either through His Word or through those of you who are supporting this journey with me.  Right when I need it most, one of the verses from this journey shows up or a comment is written here.  Sometimes it's a note letting me know that you've been praying for Abigail or passing along something that reminded you of our journey.

This week, God used one of you to pass along a single sentence that was overhead as someone walked by in the hallway.   "Abigail will be born in (month*)."  The speaker then corrected himself, replaced that month with one five months later, the coming birth of his own daughter.  You thought of our journey, and sent me a quick message.  I was intrigued, but tried to talk myself out of believing that it had much significance.  :)
Still, that single sentence stuck in my mind, so I began praying for confirmation if the month spoken (*which I'm not going to share right now so as not to influence the way this journey unfolds) was relevant to our Abigail. 

I opened up my Bible and landed on a page from 2 Samuel.  The first few paragraphs I read didn't seem to contain any confirmation as it was a description of preparation for one of the many battles in the Old Testament.  Then I landed on verse 25.

Absalom had appointed Amasa over the army in place of Joab. Amasa was the son of a man named Jether, an Israelite who had married Abigail, the daughter of Nahash and sister of Zeruiah the mother of Joab.  2 Samuel 17:25

So I added that sentence to the ever-growing list of ways that God keeps Abigail in my prayers.  It's not going to shape the direction we go, but perhaps was sent as a way of confirming at some point down the road that we are still on the right path or as a reminder that big things are still ahead and not to slack off on the prayers.  In any case, it imbues me with HOPE and reminds me of God's sovereignty.

What is my Isaac?

This morning a friend asked where things were at with our journey, and I was telling her that we were waiting.  Waiting for what?  Not sure.  Waiting for how long?  No idea.  Our conversation shifted, and it wasn't long before she brought up the story about Abraham and Isaac.  My first reaction was, "Oh no, you too?  Ok, I take back what I said before about being in a stage of just waiting.  God is obviously trying to prepare me for something."  This wasn't the only time Abrahad's obedience has been brought to my attention recently.

In addition to the conversation this morning, the story of Abraham and Isaac had come up multiple times in the past few days.  In reading Bonhoeffer's The Cost of Discipleship,  this story is referred to extensively in the first section of the book on obedience.

Later on he [Abraham] was called by God to offer his own son Isaac as a sacrifice.  Christ had come between the father of faith and the child of promise. .  . He takes God at his word and is ready to obey. . . And at that very moment all that he surrendered was given back to him.  He receives back his son.   God shows him a better sacrifice which will take the place of Isaac. . . .  Abraham receives Isaac back, but henceforth he will have his sone in quite a new way - through the Mediator and for the Mediator's sake. . . . Outwardly the picture is unchanged, but the old has passed away, and behold all things are new.  Everything has had to pass through Christ. (99)

A couple days later this story came up in the discussion between a friend and I over how far we were willing to follow God's call in our lives (somewhat related to Crazy Love).   And just last night, the next story in our evening Bible readings with the children was that of Abraham and Isaac.

What is my Isaac?  What am I going to be called to be willing to give up in obedience to God, even if it is in turn given back to me?   Is it a child?  My spouse?  Homeschooling?  My job?  Control?  Comfort?  Safety?  My time?  Will I trust that God will provide even when there seems to be no out?  What shape will Jehovah-jireh take in the way our lives are intertwined with Abigail's?

Just after coming to this realization of how often God had placed the story of Abraham's obedience before me, the children asked to listen to a Bible story over lunch.  In the book we're using, the next story is that of Abraham finding a wife for Isaac.  Several things stood out to me from that next story.

• Abraham had moved his family from place to place instead of having a permanent settlement in order to keep them apart.  Does my comfort hinder my holiness?
• Abraham's servant prayed for a specific sign in order to recognize Isaac's bride.
• Upon hearing the story, Rebekah's family responded with, "This comes from the Lord; it is his will; and it is not for us to oppose it."  Whatever my worries are surrounding the potential circumstances of Abigail's coming into our life, it is HIS will, and not for me to oppose or try to mold into something that feels easier.
• Instead of waiting the suggested ten days to return, the servant encouraged a speedy return, since God had given Rebekah. Rebekah agrees.   When God asks us to obey, we shouldn't wait.

LORD, help me to take these lessons to heart.  Help me to be willing to obey no matter the cost, trusting in your provision.   Jehovah Jireh.

Holding each other up

There are days it's easy to do what God is asking. Give this book . . . share a verse . . . send a card. Sing praise, immerse in the Word, pray long. Generosity and worship flow, and feel good. Days when God's presence is so near you can't imagine it being otherwise.

Then there are other days. The days of sacrifice and questioning. The days when the request is to give something up. To not pursue something that seems so right in the moment. To wait and not rush into something before its time. The days when it's hard to get past the barriers blocking the path to God. Days when a God-given vision feel in the moment like merely a dream.

Those days, we pray each other through. We remind other of God's plans - sometimes knowingly, sometimes through a God whisper that only has meaning for our specific situation. In the dry desert we lift a hammer to help build the ark, trusting God's command to obey, even when there is not a cloud in sight. When the rain pours, we share the silver linings and the memories of rainbows and the promise that the rain will end.

Today I am thankful for this beautiful reminder from a friend that she believes in the promise I've been given.   I'd been considering some sort of necklace to remind me of Abigail.  This one not only gives me that, but also the reminder to give thanks each day for the many, many blessings that God has sent, both large and small.

Looking back over a year

A year ago several of us from our church went to the Women of Joy conference.   I had taken along a Christian book on depression to read during the drive, and the combined influences made for an interesting weekend. 

We build up walls of isolated despair . . . . distorted images of ourselves that keep up trapped .  .. we call out for someone to hear . . . God as the defender of the weak . . . He is mighty to save . . . find a circle of close friends you can ask to pray for you . . . depression can be anger at oneself for not being someone that we couldn't possibly be . . . God as an always faithful friend . .  . get love and acceptance from God  . . . daily Bible reading and prayer as essential

A theme quickly emerged from that weekend:  friendship.  But it didn't exactly unfold the way you might imagine it.  Going into the weekend, I had set up mental pairings of people and cast myself as a third wheel. Right away from the first night of the conference, there was a theme in the speakers of seeing ourselves through our Creator's eyes.  I found myself praying that I would find one of those friends that you can just open up to fully, and not have to keep up the walls.  There were some moments of solitude during the weekend where I wrestled with the question:  Is God enough?  And I came to the conclusion that He was.  He challenged me to reach out to someone during the last session and obey a Spirit prompting to give a small sign of His love to someone else. In the final prayer of the weekend, a comment was made about taking friendships home with us.

I thought I'd learned the lesson God had for me.

But in the dark of the evening as we drove toward home, God showed me that He had more.  We began really opening up to each other.  And as we shared, God's love flowing through His children began to illuminate those hidden depths, to expose the lies we had believed for the deceptions that they were.  We realized that while we each had been holding on to different lies, the lies were strongest in the areas of our gifts. What another could see as our strong area, individually our view of it was prone to be clouded by untruths, threatening to throw our ministry off course. 

Tears flowed, truth was spoken, prayers were offered  . . . and in the midst of it, I realized that my prayer for friend to whom I could be fully me, fears and faults and all, had been answered.  That in fact, there were at least two women already in my life who had been there all along ready to be that friend.  But I hadn't been able to see it through the lies that I'd believed in the area of friendship.  I wasn't a second tier friend after all . . . but a second "tear" friend, who would be there even in the hard times.

I left the weekend with a new found joy.  In the midst of Becky Tirabassi's session, I had scrawled a few dreams for myself for the next year, and then promptly forgotten them much the way I had treated New Year's resolutions.  But while I may have forgotten that list, God didn't.

By next year (April 2011):

• I will read the Bible and pray regularly.  My souvenir from that weekend was a One Year Bible.  I began with the April readings, and ended up finishing ahead of schedule last month.  Since then, I've begun a chronological read-through in a different translation, and am working through the New Testament for Lent.  Just in this last month, God has taught me about days of fasting and prayer in addition to the prayer I'd been doing already.
• The chains will be looser and I will see myself as God sees me.  This has been a work in progress, but the past couple months have especially brought me closer to this and I am experiencing the freedom and peace of Christ more.  He has been driving home the message that we are Children of God, that I am His precious daughter. 
• I will be the friend that I want to have.  I look back at this last year and am astounded by how full of friendship my life has become.  Friendships nurtured in person, by phone, online . . . sharing and praying and celebrating and lifting each other up.
• My health (God-willing) will not hold me back.  The Daniel fast taught me a lot about the way I've used food as an idol.  This area is still in progress, too, but the long-seated hold is being broken bit by bit.  This week brings challenges in this area, as I go through an endometrial biopsy to rule out cancer as a cause of some unusual cycles.  Another opportunity to lean into God and know that He already knows the results and can work ALL things for good to those who love God.

All I can do upon seeing who God has fulfilled that list in my life is to offer up praise and humble adoration for His grace and love.  Because none of those would have been possible on my own.  On my own, I jump in headfirst and lose steam.  On my own, I am weak.   But our amazing God works through our weaknesses!