Don't look back

Was it just a short two and a half weeks ago that I posted this picture?  The chaos of the room that I called my "office" had been a feature in our home for several years, despite a bright paint job and repeated attempts at getting it organized, and honestly, there were days I thought taking a match to it would be the only way that I would ever see change. Sometimes, though, God is just waiting for us to be ready before He lights a spiritual match.   And that's what happened.   A short email from my sister asking if she could stay with us for a little while spurred some discussions as to where she should sleep.  The obvious answer was the "office", but it clearly needed a lot of work.  As we set about the task, the feeling that I was supposed to let go of the room for good began to get stronger and stronger.

God was gracious, and arranged for the Hello Mornings challenge to be starting at the same time of this big decluttering project.  Accountability for getting up early and getting my time with Him in before the kids awake for the day ~ that was needed!   Accountability for using some of that morning time to map out the day, so that my time would be more focused.  I found myself getting excited to contemplate a forced change of my habits, as strange as that sounds, and began the shift to calling it "The Yellow Room". 

In Just Enough Light for the Step I'm On: Trusting God in the Tough Times, my reading brought me to a pivotal chapter on surrendering our dreams to Him ~ even those that have come from Him.  No wonder so many of my varied projects for myself have failed ~ they were my  ideas of who I should be, and not God's.  

God puts dreams in our hearts to give us vision and inspiration  and to guide us to the right path.  That's why we have to make sure the dreams we have are not from our own flesh.  The only way to be sure of that is to lay all of our dreams at His feet and let them die.  And we must also die to them. The ones that are not from Him will be buried forever.  The ones that are from Him will be given new life. 

Oh.my.  Talk about challenging, but oh so timely as I sifted through the remnants of past dreams for myself.

A friend encouraged me in those hard hours, and forwarded a piece from her readings for school that spoke right to the process as well:

We simply must come to a place in our lives where we agree to give up old securities which bind us or painful memories which harm us, or dashed dreams which discourage us, or heart aching wounds which prevent us from discovering new dreams and coming into fuller life.  ~  Joyce Kupp

All that stuff?  Idols,  yes.  Remnants of dashed dreams, yes.  Blocking the way for the new.   In hanging on to them, I wasn't trusting in God to bring what I would need for the new ones that He has been planting.  And in fact, it was getting in the way of those new dreams by stealing my time and energy.

Not having the old stuff is a signal that I trust that the best adventures are yet to come. - Lisa Sonora Beam

In Luke 9:60-62, Jesus speaks of releasing our hold to the things of this world.  No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God.    We're specifically told not to spend our time looking back at our old lives.  The story of Lot and his wife leaving as Sodom and Gomorrah are about to be destroyed came to mind.  But while we aren't to spend our time looking back on our own failures and past lives, we ARE to remember what God has done for us and retell the stories of His work in our lives.

So the process continued of sorting, of letting go, and only keeping those things which have purpose for this new journey, or that relate to what God has done for me.  And somehow, in one short week, God brought me through a project that I'd been unable to accomplish on my own in years.   The yellow room is cleared of all the clutter, and ready for my sister to call temporary home as she makes a new start in her life.  Even more important, it has been turned over to God to use for His purposes from here on out.   I have no plans to move back into it myself unless that is where He would have me go.  And you know?  It's exciting to think how He might use it, and who might find peace and healing and comfort within its walls.

As for me, I'm enjoying my new desk set-up in the corner of our school room.  Since I only moved those things that I actually use, I've been amazed at how much space I have and how easy it is to maintain (two weeks and counting, and I can still see the top of my desk!).  

The day that it was finished, my morning Bible reading contained Exodus 6:6:  I am the Lord, and I will bring you out from under the yoke of the Egyptians.  I will free you from being slaves to them, and I will redeem you with an outstretched arm and with mighty acts of judgment.    As I came to the end of that project, I found myself feeling a bit like I had just been freed from not only the physical burden of the clutter, but from the unrealistic expectations that I had held for so long.   And despite the fact that it's a little scary to wonder just why God has chosen this exact time to be bringing me out of it, I'm excited to see what He has in store.