5 Months of a Journey

5 months ago I took the first steps on a journey that I didn't realize I was taking.  I only knew that my life was feeling like it was spiraling out of control.    My journal from November reads:

You and me on this one, God.  I need change, big change.  My actions don't honor You or my family.  My thinking is warped, I have made idols of knowledge and sentiment, of dreams and things I "should" do.  And at the same time, they overwhelm me.

 In my Bible reading that night (read "late" according to schedule), I was in Ezekiel.  I found myself reading verses about God giving me a new heart of flesh.  I found myself with promises that God could cleanse me of worshiping my idols.  Then the reading continued in James 1:5:  If you need wisdom - if you want to know what God wants you to do - ask him and he will gladly tell you.  This is followed by a list that I now see is straight from God of what I need to do. 

In December, the insights continued as I read  in a book by Stormie Omartian that only God can work changes in us that last.  That only God can transform us.  My prayers continued . . . . .

Lord, change me into the person you want me to be and show me what I need to do. I praise you and thank you for the transformation you are working in me.

January and a new year came.  Little did I know that God was working behind the scenes setting up big changes ahead, but He gave me a tiny glimpse in dreams.  In one, as I was about to be shot in a botched robbery I found myself holding onto Jesus.  The bullet didn't hurt at all as I was already at complete peace in His arms.  That dream involved walking a road with others who had already died, and giving encouragement to those still living, where my words took the form of Bible verses.  That dream made me realize that the amount of Scripture I knew by heart was very minimal, and awakened a deep desire to learn verses well enough to use them in that same form of encouragement.  

to be continued. . .